all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
