i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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