Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
