Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
