haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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