The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize