theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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