I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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