I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
