I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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