butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
