so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
