just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
