He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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