she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
