Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
