That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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