i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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