I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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