Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
