haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
