im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
