its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
