I can tuck mytits in my pants
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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