I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
