I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
