Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
