Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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