If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
