My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
