He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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