He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
