I haven't been this sober since birth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
