I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
