I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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