Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
