Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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