Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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