im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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