this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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