Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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