covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
