totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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