I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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