I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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