When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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