yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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