dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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