Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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