Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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