I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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