you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is pants optional.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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