Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
