Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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