I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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