Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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