He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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