He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
