I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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