: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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