I have demons in me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
