I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
