You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Vodka?
Forever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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