Will you blow on my dice?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
