I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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