The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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